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Issue date: 2/18/10 Section: Opinion

Robinson

Here's a piece of free advice to anyone starting up a career in costumed supervillainy: Try to be a bad guy in the DC Comics Universe instead of the Marvel Comics Universe. I'm not saying that the Marvel superheroes are tougher than the DC superheroes. Rather, the DC heroes have done the villains a great courtesy by organizing themselves geographically.

In the DCU, the superheroes are spread out more. Yes, there is some clustering, but the tendency is for each city to have one well-known champion. While this does pretty much guarantee a brawl, at least the villain gets the luxury of choosing the opponent. This is particularly advantageous for the neophyte baddie because it helps him or her decide what to avoid.

For example, if you don't want to get shot with an arrow then don't pull your first bank job in Green Arrow's Star City. Don't want to get punched with a big green energy fist? Stay out of Green Lantern's Coast City. Allergic to feathers? Eschew Hawkman's favorite nest, Saint Roch. Don't want to get the utter living excrement beaten out of you and then find yourself institutionalized in the single worst psychiatric facility ever with psychotic villains who will give even you nightmares? Don't go to Batman's Gotham City.

By contrast, over in the Marvel Universe, all the heroes pretty live or hang out in NYC. You might think this is better because hey, you can just pull your crime someplace else right? Face it though; you didn't get into the biz in order to not fight superheroes. Otherwise there's no point to your cool costume. Plus you can't waste those clever puns you've been practicing on ordinary policemen.

The problem is, you stage a crime in Marvel's NYC and you don't know whose attention you're going to get. Oh maybe you'll be lucky and it will just be Spider-Man. Sure, Spidey's verbal taunts will sting emotionally for a long time, but at least his webbing eventually dissolves off of all your stuff. That's a lot better than being smacked down by Thor's mighty hammer Mjolnir. You could, however, have an extremely bad day and draw the attention of the Punisher. Then, my friend, you're seriously dead.

Another advantage of being a DC villain is that you can tailor your powers or motifs to the superhero by picking the right city. Some villains are automatically stuck. If you have a kryptonite heart, well you pretty much have to pack off to Superman's Metropolis. If you have a submarine shaped like a giant manta, then it's Atlantis and Aquaman for you. Other villains may have a choice. If you've got a Heat Gun or a Cold Gun or even a Mirror Gun, well don't have to but you might want to try it out against the Flash. But if all you have is a plain old Gun Gun, then you ought to detour around Flash's hometown of Central City.

One last tip-avoid Ivy Town. Other villains laugh at those beaten by its tiny titan, the Atom.

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